What is domestic violence and abuse?
Domestic violence and abuse mainly takes place in intimate relationships, but can occur in a familial situation. It can be experienced from a current or former partner, siblings, parents or children. It includes a number of different types of behaviour and power and control tactics. It is not just about physical violence. It can include:
- Controlling and coercive behaviour towards you
- Shouting, mocking, accusing, name calling, verbally threatening you, family and pets
- Threatening suicide, lying to family & friends about you
- Putting you down, ignoring you, blaming you, isolating you from friends and family
- Forcing you to perform sexual acts
- Punching, slapping, hitting, biting, kicking, hair pulling, pushing, shoving, burning, strangling
All these are behaviours of an abusive person. All of these are acts of domestic violence and abuse.
Who does it happen to?
Domestic violence and abuse can happen to anyone!
- It doesn’t matter whether you are a man or a woman
- It doesn’t matter if you are straight or gay
- It doesn’t matter how much you earn
- It doesn’t matter if you have children
- It doesn’t matter what your religion is
- It doesn’t matter what your race is
What can you do?
If you are in an abusive relationship:
- Remember get help
- Remember you are not to blame
- Remember it is not acceptable
- Remember you are not alone
The following are some key things to look out for when seeing or speaking to someone:
- If a person discloses that their activities and interactions with friends and family are being monitored
- If you contact someone and you can hear someone questioning them from behind
- If during interaction with someone you notice injuries, if you are able to ask about them safely, does the explanation make sense?
- If a person says they have family and friends, explore further to see if they are being given the opportunity to speak with them.
- If a person says they cannot work from home, ensure you know what is stopping them.
- If an individual needs help with shopping and medication and you feel that someone is controlling how they spend their money.
- If an individual reports damage to property; ensure that the reason for the damage makes sense.
- If an individual is extremely apologetic or meek and seems fearful
- If a person seems agitated, anxious, or is constantly apprehensive
- If they are talking about or attempting suicide
Do:
- Ask if something is wrong and express concern.
- Explore any suspicions further with them if safe to do so. However, do not judge or blame, instead listen and validate.
- If you are worried for their immediate safety call 999
- If you are concerned that a crime may have been committed call 101
- Equally, if the situation is not an emergency, but you still need the police, call 101
- If you just need further advice on how to proceed; call End the Fear on 0161 636 7525. On weekends call National Domestic Abuse helpline on 08008 2000 247
- Move to a safe place, avoiding kitchens or stairs, and stay near a door for a quick escape. If in doubt, get out.